Written by Liora Karpelowsky
Professional photography by Framed Media
It wasn’t where I thought I’d be when I woke up that morning, but a post had appeared on my Facebook feed, and a last-minute change to my day that meant I had an unusually free afternoon, as well as a gut feel that I couldn’t ignore. All worked together to bring me right where I was supposed to be: Sandton SPCA!
The lady in reception’s eyes widened in surprise as I told her just that, and then a big smile appeared on her face as I pulled out my phone to show her his picture.
“Rambo has been here a long time. No one has come for him,” she told me. “No one wants a dog with only one eye.”
“He’s been waiting for me,” was my reply.
A heart that can hold so much
Having lost my beautiful fur baby Riley recently, my heart’s still aching. It’s too soon, one part of me said. But what exactly is an “appropriate” amount of time to wait? When does the ache disappear?
It’s almost four years since my husband, Shaun, was stung by the bees and nearly a year since he passed as a result, and there are moments when the pain is overwhelming, all-consuming and unbearable. While the time between these moments may get longer, and I learn to manage these moments better, I’m beginning to understand that they’re here to stay. How could they not… The love didn’t go when Shaun left. It bangs on the walls of my heart every single day!
But I’ve learnt that this same heart is able to hold so much more than just the pain of love that has no person to pour it into. It’s also able to hold so much joy and gratitude for moments that have come after the loss. I’m learning to be open to the possibility that we can let loss, grief and heartbreak shrink and close our hearts off, or we can choose to allow what we’ve experienced to stretch and widen our hearts, allowing them to hold more love, more joy and more gratitude.
Will allowing room for joy, gratitude and love replace those difficult painful feelings that crash over me when the waves of grief come? It hasn’t happened yet and I don’t believe it ever will. But I do know that my heart has capacity to hold both. They don’t have to fight for room. They’re learning to live together. To swirl around each other as they flow into all the nooks and crannies, the crevices of me.
A perfect blessing
And so little Rambo has joined our family; my children and our two other rescue dogs, also adopted from the SPCA. He’s already teaching and reminding us of so much! To love a being is to be able to see into the soul, not just the outside. He’s perfect exactly as he is, as are we all. Aren’t we all missing a few parts and pieces? War wounds as we navigate our way on this journey. Most important of all, he’s reminded us of our heart’s capacity to hold so much love right next to the pain.
We continue to grieve for what we’ve lost, and at the same time try to allow our hearts to stretch and fit even more love. What a blessing that we continue to try learning to do this!
Nothing better than sleeping on mom’s bed on a chilly day!
